Conan the Barbarian: Remake

[KUNG FU BOB]

Box office gross means squat to me, a good movie is a good movie, Destroyer bombed because it was a shit movie, talking about straying from the source material, at least Milius had some balls to put some blood and guts in there, not to mention the nudity/sex scenes.

And c'mon how can you not like Sword and the Sorceror!?! A sword that part of it shoots out like a freaking missle! Plus you have Bull from Night Court, what more can you possibly ask for?

Amen. And the princess in SatS is sooooooo fine!

My two cents: I'm a big fan of the Conan stories, and read them over and over as a kid. Though the movie was not faithful to the written form, it is a classic in it's own right. Same as THE SHINING- not a great adaptation of the book per say, but a fantastic movie. Both Arnold and the movie CONAN THE BARBARIAN are fucking awesome. Thankfully no matter what anyone else says about it I will continue to enjoy this movie forever.

Oh yeah, and as far as Millius... BIG WEDNESDAY!!!! Yeah!

The remake sounds like poop on a platter.

[CrazyFrog]

Ok, ok people- calm down. I, for one, am NOT going to pan this one til I see it. I think if anything is to give one pause over this "re-make" or re-boot, it should be the director helming this project, not the actor (who sounds plenty imposing at 6'5"). I have not seen the Texas Chainsaw or Friday the 13th remakes but they don't exactly fill me with optimism for this movie but I will wait to make that judgement.

As far as the original Conan the Barbarian, it was good for what it was but it is definitely not unfu*%able with. Ahnuld plays a good steroidal Viking/barbarian but the Conan from the serial publication was a brawler, a rogue, a ladies man, a master thief and eventually, a king. Milius and Schwarzenegger got one aspect of it down pretty good (and he did look impressive) but I think Conan is more of a resourceful renaissance man, capable of anything. I am hoping the new movie goes with that portrayal more than the Milius version. But the soundtrack was something really special, maybe they'll pay homage to it?

I am really interested in this movie as I love the Conan stories by Robert E. Howard and if you haven't already, please please PLEASE check out the recent Dark Horse Conan series, especially those penned by Kurt Busiek and illustrated by Cary Nord- very good stuff. At least Brett Ratner is not directing; that had been talked about and I am ecstatic that is no longer the case!

[dionbrother]

Nispel did direct the PATHFINDER remake, which wasn't anything great, but had some stunning visual attempts at duplicating a Frazetta painting. He does have a real affinity for this type of material. I only hope the script doctors did a helluva job on the script. Keeping fingers crossed because Conan deserves a reboot, and a chance to shake the Schwarzenegger imagery, now that more people are familiar with the Howard version.

I dig some of the new Dark Horse comics as well. The reprints of the earlier Marvel comics are great as well.

[daisho2004]

Again give when Conan was made I think it still stands as one of the best Sword & Sandal movies made. Agreed the Destroyer sucked, it had a good story but fell flat! I was hoping Arnold made more Conan movies but hey it never happened! But I would love to see a re-vised Conan come back into the theaters!

"dionbrother" I just think your really ripping this movie to shreds and it really was a damn good action movie!

[daTOAD]

As someone who actually saw conan in theatres as a kid, let me tell you it was far from boring or sluggish. The image of King Conan at the end of the film had all the kids eagerly awaiting the sequel[ IMO the sequel fail not only because it sucked, but everybody wanted the King Conan movie]. This new guy looks like some Twilight version of Conan. When talking savge barbarian size is important. In nature its Usually the biggest baddest animal that wins. IMHO,Conan should not be a pretty boy, but scarred up, 6'3" , 250lbs bad ass with loads of charisma.

[dionbrother]

I actually saw it opening weekend as a kid and thought it was dull. So did my dad. The audience nearly went to sleep during the valium-inducing scenes that ripped off KWAIDAN.

Schwarzenegger was a 5'9 bodybuilder, often viewed as a queer/pretty boy sport in those days.

Some interesting news from the Cimmerian blog via the Conan.com forums.

Louinet said to us: “Got to see Fredrik Malmberg, who showed me a few pics – pre CGI – of Jason Moma as Conan. Despite this, these pics were enough to convince me a bit more that Momoa is an excellent Conan, as far as his looks is concerned. He is very close to the character as described by Howard: he is hairy, dark, scarred and muscular yet lithe, devoid of the body-builder physique syndrome. Really impressive. More, Momoa has taken the Howard books with him, often reading a few passages for himself before shooting to get into his character.”

CGI will be for the blue eyes. Perhaps more, I don’t know.

Remember, I only got to *see* these pictures; I don’t have them. I saw a muscular guy, but not a bodybuilder type. His skin his dark, but he doesn’t have the surfer look we could fear. I didn’t try to compare him to an artist’s depiction. I only wanted to see if he “looked the part”. So, basically, what I said; physically he has all the attributes of REH’s Conan, and none of the dull-witted Viking bodybuilder I was fearing we would get.

I *know* it’s frustrating to have to go by these general descriptions, but it’s the best I can offer.

Remember, I am only passing judgment on Momoa’s physique, NOT on his acting capacities or even the script. I can only say that what I saw, I liked.

[daTOAD]

Never heard Arnie refered to as a pretty boy, especially during a period in time like the 80s when queers/pretty boys were pretty obvious. Im not debating the first Conan, the film was made and released. Some like it ,some dont. The news about the new guy sounds promising, but when you have to CGi blue eyes i have to wonder...they really couldnt find a guy with blue eyes and black hair and will it be a distraction, will it look right on the actor.I guess Conan doesnt have to be super huge considering the average male in those times was around 5'8" ,5'9". Give me a god of war type and I'll be happy ,but he must be brutal if hes not big so the audience will buy it. Will give it a chance ,but i admit the lead they chose just makes it feel like one of those Hercules-Zena TV productions.

[daisho2004]

Will give it a chance ,but i admit the lead they chose just makes it feel like one of those Hercules-Zena TV productions.

daToad: AMEN to that! I want to see a rough neck body builder, or a WWE Wrestler portray Conan. But either way I will see it opening weekend!

[dionbrother]

Will give it a chance ,but i admit the lead they chose just makes it feel like one of those Hercules-Zena TV productions.

This is my big fear for the movie. PATHFINDER was ultra serious, if not anything good.

Moma is taller than Schwarzenegger, and if you look at the old Barry Windsor-Smith drawn comics, his physique is similar. John Buscema started drawing Conan as more of a bodybuilder because, I'm told, Buscema was built like that himself! I don't carp about eye or hair because Hollywood has always "adjusted" such things for actors. Did you know Sean Connery wore a toupee in his James Bond movies? That Schwarzenegger, Kirk Douglas and Alan Ladd all used lifts in their boots and stood on apple boxes for shots for the illusion of height? Showbiz is all about illusion.

Bodybuilding had a bad rep among martial arts and sports enthusiasts in the 50-70s. Many of the early magazines were published for bullqueers. Joe Weider actually ran into trouble with authorities for some of those mags in the 50s. Bodybuilders were said to have fake muscles or too stiff to be athletes. I don't agree and believe this fitness ideas of Clarence Bass and Bill Phillips are highly worthwhile as you get older (martial arts are tough on my lousy knees, but I digress). Schwarzenegger changed the image with his later 80s movies like THE TERMINATOR, and Lou Ferrigno notably scored higher on a celeb athletic competition in the 70s than Bill "Superfoot" Wallace. But my brother, the biggest football fan alive, told me he thinks athletes today are injured too often because they train like bodybuilders. Having seen Triple H constantly re-injured in the WWE over light moves and a actor friend of mine tear his quad from simply sprinting in low budget film, I'd have to agree.

[daTOAD]

I really pulled for Pathfinder. Great concept, just wasnt feeling the lead. The Vikings were cool though.

"But my brother, the biggest football fan alive, told me he thinks athletes today are injured too often because they train like bodybuilders. Having seen Triple H constantly re-injured in the WWE over light moves and a actor friend of mine tear his quad from simply sprinting in low budget film."

The roids dont help.

A tall lean build would work for me[nohomo], maybe a Randy Orton type. Not him ,but that type. Just thinking, why would CGI be used to blue his eyes instead of contacts.

[dionbrother]

A tall lean build would work for me[nohomo], maybe a Randy Orton type. Not him ,but that type. Just thinking, why would CGI be used to blue his eyes instead of contacts.

I'll guess CGI is used because blue contacts won't show up 100% effectively via the cinematography.

MMA has re-educated the public on how a tough guy is built. Randy Orton would not have been allowed his MMA fighter's physique in wrasslin 15 years ago, or at least in the WWE. Few if any current MMA champs are built like Franco, Ferrigno, Arnie or Lee Haney. If you meet any Navy SEALS or Green Berets, they tend to be skinny, endurance trained guys. 300 got that aspect right.

[Jesse Smooth]

Very interesting regarding bodybuilding training. Never thought of it as queer stuff (by looking at Bruce Lee and Steve Reeves' physiques), but I wasn't around in those days. To me weight lifting/bodybuilding was a part of gaining strength/fitness.

Twenty plus years ago, wrestlers and martial artists, as well as football players didn't have six-packs. People thing you're fit and you're in the best shape if you're built like Ronnie Coleman or if you're on the cover of Flex Magazine.

I do read Oxygen Magazine, a women's fitness magazine. Good articles and useful if you're trying to make healthier choices.

[Jesse Smooth]

I'll guess CGI is used because blue contacts won't show up 100% effectively via the cinematography.

MMA has re-educated the public on how a tough guy is built. Randy Orton would not have been allowed his MMA fighter's physique in wrasslin 15 years ago, or at least in the WWE. Few if any current MMA champs are built like Franco, Ferrigno, Arnie or Lee Haney. If you meet any Navy SEALS or Green Berets, they tend to be skinny, endurance trained guys. 300 got that aspect right.

Very true. People think if you're overly buff, then you're tough and overly masculine.

[dionbrother]

Back when I was in high school in the 1980s, skinny guys with abs were considered runts that didn't eat enough. Things have really changed.

Bruce was ahead of the game when it came to using weights. With the exception of a few like Joe Lewis, martial artist just didn't pump iron back in those days.

Steve Reeves was a phenom in the pre-steroid days. But I think a lot of youngsters saw his physique as completely unattainable and the bodybuilding mags had the queer stigma, so he didn't inspire the fitness boom he could have. Thats just a guess, though. Still, he was arguably the biggest international star from 1959 to 1962. A professional comic book artist friend told me Reeves was the first movie star to look like the living embodiment of a comic book hero like Superman.

If you see how Bruno Sammartino looks these days, it is a positive testament to a lifetime of weightlifting.

[dionbrother]

The only reason they need cgi, is to cgi in this guys muscles because he sure doesn't look like a barbarian

The real historical truth on barbarians is they were probably built more like Kirk Douglas in THE VIKINGS or Richard Widmark in THE LONG SHIPS. Nobody had time for bench presses and squat racks didn't exist.

By the way, both are more like Robert E, Howard stories than any movies based on Howard's work. Especially THE LONG SHIPS, which is an excellent movie and worthy of anybody's time. Widmark and Sidney Poitier kick ass and it may have had an influence on our beloved Shaw Bros. movies. Check 'em out.

[Jesse Smooth]

Back when I was in high school in the 1980s, skinny guys with abs were considered runts that didn't eat enough. Things have really changed.

Bruce was ahead of the game when it came to using weights. With the exception of a few like Joe Lewis, martial artist just didn't pump iron back in those days.

Steve Reeves was a phenom in the pre-steroid days. But I think a lot of youngsters saw his physique as completely unattainable and the bodybuilding mags had the queer stigma, so he didn't inspire the fitness boom he could have. Thats just a guess, though. Still, he was arguably the biggest international star from 1959 to 1962. A professional comic book artist friend told me Reeves was the first movie star to look like the living embodiment of a comic book hero like Superman.

If you see how Bruno Sammartino looks these days, it is a positive testament to a lifetime of weightlifting.

I'll say that Hulk Hogan played a part in this was well. Vinnie Mac was/is all about bodybuilding and over-muscular wrestlers. Ultimate Warrior was a bodybuilder who became a wrestler. Notice the physiques of many pre-Hogan wrestlers. That kinda died down a bit due to the steroid trial of the mid 1990s.

[HyperDrive]

IMO, endurance and speed are more important than overall muscle mass.

A really interesting take on the physique of ancient warriors compared to modern athletes is found in the book Manthropology.

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE59D0BR20091014?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=11604&sp=true

[The Running Man]

All of this word about the remake and discussions about the AHNULD Conan movies made me think about the recent reviews from the very funny Nostalgia Critic of each of them.

Check 'em out:

1: http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/16231-conan-01

2: http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/16300-conan-part-02

[daisho2004]

Check out this tribute to The Conan comics and tell me that Arnold doesn't fit this profile of Conan! This being said there should be no question that Arnold was the only one to pull this role off! Granted his 2nd. movie sucked, but if he had did another one with a better director I can only think it would've been Off the Hook!

[The Dragon]

Epic FAIL!

This be in the theaters for it's two hr. running time... maybe less.

[dionbrother]

Check out this tribute to The Conan comics and tell me that Arnold doesn't fit this profile of Conan! This being said there should be no question that Arnold was the only one to pull this role off!

Funny, some of the artwork is by the great Joe Jusko, he painted many of the Savage Sword of Conan covers. He's been on the Conan.com boards ripping into the Ah-nuld movies, and is another professional who believes those two films killed the sword and sorcery genre.

William Smith would have made a better Conan in the early 1970s. Sonny Landham would have been perfect as well.

Do check out the links that RM provided. Hilarious stuff.

[kungfusamurai]

I'll say that Hulk Hogan played a part in this was well. Vinnie Mac was/is all about bodybuilding and over-muscular wrestlers. Ultimate Warrior was a bodybuilder who became a wrestler. Notice the physiques of many pre-Hogan wrestlers. That kinda died down a bit due to the steroid trial of the mid 1990s.

What about the mortality rate of wrestlers before the 'roid era? It seems like so many good ones have dropped like flies in the last two decades. But did they die in such numbers before Hogan?

Some WWE look so much bigger now than when they were first wrestling, like Triple H, who was much leaner back when he started. And Curt Hennig, Mr Perfect - it was shocking how he went from lean and mean in the 80s with Scott Hall, to looking like a bulldog in the early 90s.

KFS

[kungfusamurai]

You know who would make the perfect barbarian? Sylvester Stallone! I'm serious. Unfortunately the guy's been juicing with the growth hormones, I imagine he'll be suffering the negative health effects from it in the next several years. But for now, give him a sword and some long flowing hair, and he's Conan!

KFS

[Jesse Smooth]

What about the mortality rate of wrestlers before the 'roid era? It seems like so many good ones have dropped like flies in the last two decades. But did they die in such numbers before Hogan?

Some WWE look so much bigger now than when they were first wrestling, like Triple H, who was much leaner back when he started. And Curt Hennig, Mr Perfect - it was shocking how he went from lean and mean in the 80s with Scott Hall, to looking like a bulldog in the early 90s.

KFS

Very good point. All of that started with the death of Brian Pilman back in '97. Oddly enough, it has been almost ALL WWE wrestlers.

[CrazyFrog]

This has been an interesting digression into bodybuilding/steroids/pro-wrestling but I think the desire to see Conan as a musclebound Viking is a) based on Schwarzenegger's role in the first movie and the desire for a undeniably masculine action hero, of which these days is not in vogue.

Personally, I don't have a problem with Jason- he's dark (and Conan was always described as swarthy and much more noticeably tan than his Cimmerian brethren), fit, and imposing. Looking at pics of the dude, I don't see a problem. My main concern is how the movie plays out, how much of the Conan mythology they use (or don't) and how the director treats the material. Having heard of his previous work (and I saw Pathfinder-visually striking but wow, they f%&*ed up a Viking movie, which is hard to do), I am not convinced that this movie won't be garbage. I hope Marcus brings his A game or whatever for this movie, because if he doesn't, he'll have sunk yet another franchise.

Obviously, I love Conan!