Guest VenomsFan Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 621) When dying, you must do one last situp before checking out 622) Character roles are limited to the following: - martial arts master - martial arts student - government official - ruffian - drunk - prostitute - cripple Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest THE BASTARD Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Every movie has Ti Lung in it but if it didn’t have Ti Lung in it people still wish that Ti Lung was in it. Every movie that has David Chiang in it Has Ti Lung in it and if it didn’t have Ti Lung in it Then David Chiang and Ti Lung both wish they were in it together but only as long as one of them dies. Every movie has Johnny Wang Lung Wei in it as the villain. No punch line, that is the punch line... Shaw Brothers movies help people be more accepting. For example every movie has Ku Feng in it. When it happened the first 38 times we were like ''OK!'' or ''Again?!!?" or maybe even ''Damn!!!?'' but then... we come to accept it and become more understanding individuals. For me ive learned a lot from Shaw brothers movies. For example i helped an old lady cross the street. On the other hand i laughed very sinisterly after Watching ''Web of Death'' and pushed a lady into oncoming traffic another time so watch out for that one. It's a bit tricky... UNLESS you’re in a good mood. Every movie that did not have Lo Lieh in it was supposed to have Lo Lieh in it... Again... When you loose your legs, it's not necessarily a bad thing it's good! Your heard me right folks ''Fortune'' is smiling upon you. Same rule applies with eyes, the ability to talk. And don’t be discouraged if you loose your arms or hands, it could be a blessing. Especially if the titles of the movie has a number in it. If you’re in a Shaw Brothers brothers movie you will die but dont worry maybe you get a chance to have some good lines like... ''You...'' …Just before pointing your finger to the person who killed you just before you die… again. Every one in the Shaw Brothers universe had training as a Voice tossing ventriloquist - all their lips Move 10 seconds before we hear the lines. This is of course the good old English dub days. Before Celestial. When you die generally your supposed to keep your eyes open so people can see your dead but really everyone except for like 3 people can do it right so everyone that's actually dead appears to be alive, but really it's because everyone was sleeping during the Shaw brothers training course. Ive seen people blink when they are dead or inhale deeply, sniff or even ask for a cup of tea. Im serious. If you Die in a Shaw Brothers movie standing up you wont fall down for some very odd and strange reason this does not happen in American films unless you press pause. Fu Sheng always gets the chick, because he was the coolest. Ti Lung always gets the babe David Chiang wanted but David Chiang always gets the chick Ti Lung KIND OF wanted. Ah… In a Shaw brothers movies even if you’ve been stabbed 20 times and you somehow miraculously fended off 45 thugs and 50-60 more come in dont worry you still stand a chance. Not a good one if you’re in a Chang Cheh flick but at least you die laughing. Whenever you see 'Hsiao Hsiao'' You look at his face then look at his nose and think ''BOOGERS'' Back in the day if Kara Hui was in movie you wish she would stop practising kung fu or whatever it Was she was doing (holding a glass of water or whatever) and just take of her clothes and walk closer to the camera and start posing and pushing copious amounts of flesh into every frame. And if not that then you wish at least she would have had a clause to bend over more so we could get a tight and perfectly aligned ass shot. Whenever Kara Hui was in a movie she was dealing with such difficulty she always looked constipated… In the Shaw Brothers movies everyone besides the Same 10 stars using the same 10 lines, defeating everyone with the same 10 weapons that make the same 10 sounds are all disposable like huggies diapers. This rule does not apply to little kids and dogs. No matter where you are the guy you just left 3 days ago knows your exact location somehow perhaps by telepathy. He will usually appear from behind a tree and attack you unless of course it's a girl which rarely happens unless she is lost which really rarely happens. Fu sheng plays the same character in every single movie, a mildly amusing weasel who happens to be on the way to learning the spirit of true kung fu... even if it means getting stabbed up the ass with a lance. In a Shaw Brothers movie if you’re poisoned by an inescapable sure death lethal dose type thing don’t Worry because you’ll find the antidote from that weird guy who asks you for nothing in return AGAIN. If your in a Shaw Brothers movie and you see a character die AND you liked him dont worry hell be back to die in the next one. Whenever you see Jason Paio Paio you think ''man this guy is ass'' and THEN you think of Hsiao Hsiao and how much you hate him too and then you remember his face and think ''BOOGERS'' again. Ever body the same Laugh ''heh-heh'' Every body right before they say something revealing must always say ''Ohhhhh'' The Person who is the first to say ''Sha'' or ''Kill'' is the second person to get killed in the third act. Just before every one dies and there is a cause for a dramatic death, the person will stand up and in what seems to be a great amount of pain, Then he falls down in what seems to be a lot of pain and then he Dies and then he wakes back up in pain but only for a second and then he dies again. In the end my last comment is that there are only 6 Degrees of separation in the Shaw Brother Universe. You’ve heard that in America every film is only six facts away from reaching Kevin Bacon? It’s called 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon… Yes well this is the same EXCEPT WITHOUT THE BACON The End Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Steve Barr Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 In the end my last comment is that there are only 6 Degrees of separation in the Shaw Brother Universe.Isn't it more like Actor 1 -> Ku Feng -> Actor 2 ? Surely there's only 2-3 degrees of separation for most SB stars in any given decade. ----------------------- The cooler the special effect concept, the worse the actual special effect, for ex. frozen solid == covered in saran wrap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest THE BASTARD Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 When you break somebodys neck it sounds like you stepped on a pepsi can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stormybman Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Sometimes when you die, the screen turns red... Other times, there's blood everywhere!!! What's the difference?! :lol Then there's the look at the person who killed you, you point at him and mouth these exact words... " You..... aarghhh!!!" then lay down eyes open... I have come for the revenge of my master, this doesn't concern you, so I'll allow you to leave... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member peringaten Posted August 18, 2011 Member Share Posted August 18, 2011 bumpity... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member The Dragon Posted August 18, 2011 Member Share Posted August 18, 2011 The swords must all sound like two thin pipes clanging together... and the sound effects during a fight scene must be repeated very 10 moves or so... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member The Dragon Posted August 18, 2011 Member Share Posted August 18, 2011 Also, you will probably have to pay for the damage done to the teahouse with one of the bags of taels you seem able to pull out of nowhere. And, two or three taels will apparently pay for a whole demolished Tea House. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member KyFi Posted August 19, 2011 Member Share Posted August 19, 2011 This thread should be a sticky---it's classic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member tdb Posted August 19, 2011 Member Share Posted August 19, 2011 And, two or three taels will apparently pay for a whole demolished Tea House. Two or three taels of gold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member The Dragon Posted August 22, 2011 Member Share Posted August 22, 2011 If there is an old Sifu, he's going to be killed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member ToryK Posted December 8, 2011 Member Share Posted December 8, 2011 -Dean Shek will pop up just to prove he's the most irritating c**t on the planet. 2. There are two things a young man needs in order to convince a beggar master to take him on as his student: a. A huge jar of wine. b. A whole roasted chicken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member The Dragon Posted December 9, 2011 Member Share Posted December 9, 2011 Two or three taels of gold. But it's never gold, looks like silver pellets, rocks, or slugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Jay Stone Posted February 1, 2012 Member Share Posted February 1, 2012 While this may not be a rule, Wang Lung Wei was born to be a bad guy. He rules... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Eastern Evil Posted February 13, 2012 Member Share Posted February 13, 2012 Awesome thread. Laughed my ass off at these 2 right away. Can't wait to read more. 1.) "women who disguise themselves as men will immediately be mistaken for men, no matter how much they still resemble women" .5. And, this has been posted before by someone else, but I'll mention it again because I do think it's the most important rule in the Shaw universe: never trust Wang Lung Wei! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Eastern Evil Posted February 13, 2012 Member Share Posted February 13, 2012 How could I forget... 44.) If someone throws a flying guillotine your way, chances are they're aiming at where you're about to run to. Once you get there, you're dead. 45.) Should you decide not to run to wherever it is that that someone who threw the flying guillotine was aiming, chances are that that someone knew that that's what you were going to do, and instead was aiming right where you are standing. So you're still dead. 46.) However, if you are Chen Kuan Tai or Ti Lung, none of the above applies to you. You, unlike all others, cannot be harmed by flying guillotines. Because you have mastered the art of ducking. 47.) If you are anyone besides Chen Kuan Tai or Ti Lung, once you're head is ripped from your body, feel free to twitch a bit before you die, just to add to the dramatic effect, so that the nice people watching get the gist... you're seriously dead. 48.) There might even be one final "point-of-view shot" to accompany your death, in which your arms will flail about wildly: This phantom p.o.v. shot, which makes no sense if you really take a moment to consider it, is perfectly normal. True, your head is no longer on your body, which means there's nothing to view this p.o.v. shot with... but don't panic. It's a metaphorical sort of p.o.v. shot. Tears are rolling down my eyes. Oh god..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member inframan Posted February 13, 2012 Member Share Posted February 13, 2012 not sure what number its up to: Should you be mortally slashed or impailed through the midsection simply tie a strip of fabric around your stomach and you can continue to fight for several minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member The Dragon Posted February 19, 2012 Member Share Posted February 19, 2012 I can't believe I almost forgot this one: If you're a soldier, or a bandit, just one of hundreds, you get the luxury of following the masters around- ON FOOT, while they ride miles upon miles on horses, through hillsides, dessert terrains, and various mountains! All the while carrying your battle weapon and no canteen. Bow-chicka-wow-wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member ShawAngela Posted November 23, 2013 Member Share Posted November 23, 2013 What a funny thread and so well observed !! Here is another one : the Japanese villains always wear a moustache " à la Hitler ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member ShawAngela Posted November 24, 2013 Member Share Posted November 24, 2013 Sometimes, the darts must have their own soul and intelligence, as they are able to write Chinese characters on the wall or on the door where you have thrown them... Blades or darts can be stopped by very strong teeth...without a drop of blood on the lips !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member 无名无行 Posted December 19, 2013 Member Share Posted December 19, 2013 A "Chu Yuan (楚原) film" means stunning visuals overlaying an inextricably convoluted plot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Eastern Evil Posted March 7, 2014 Member Share Posted March 7, 2014 lol, if you ever gamble in a Shaw Brothers casino, you better lose ALL your money! And then consider yourself lucky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Secret Executioner Posted July 22, 2014 Member Share Posted July 22, 2014 A chained prisoner can defeat guards in physical combat and outrun them when he escapes. Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Secret Executioner Posted January 25, 2015 Member Share Posted January 25, 2015 Don't think it's been brought up: a big house is highly likely to have secret passages leading to tunnels, secret chambers or a very huge basement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Secret Executioner Posted March 26, 2015 Member Share Posted March 26, 2015 If you're the leader of some group of people, don't bother telling your people not to go away before leaving cause you can be sure someone from the group will do it anyway. If you're a good guy, don't bother checking out a brothel - you'll always be cock-blocked in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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