Guest KidwiththeGoldenArm Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Apparently there is a skill that can, when mastered, grant invulnerability, but most characters don't bother mastering it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 KidwtGA, an interesting and refreshing post. There are actually a number of such arts (in Shaw's Universe of course): 1. Bronze Skin and Iron Bones, said to have been mastered by Fang Shih Yu. 2. Iron Cloth Kung Fu. 3. Golden Bell Kung Fu. But why do most blocks don't bother mastering them? That is an interesting question. Well, to master Bronze Skin and Iron Bones, one has to be soaked in medicinal herbs that hurts like hell and then one must be brutally beaten daily. No thanks! Further, at the end of the treatment, one loses the ability to father children (presumably unable to have sex too!). The proponents of Iron Cloth Kung Fu and Golden Bell Kung Fu must observe complete abstinence from semen depleting activities. As such they must stay away from betties, betties' hands, and their own hands! A tall order for most hot blooded blocks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Violento Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Just like in "Star Wars", in the Shaw universe there are 2 immortal lines that are repeated over and over. In SW it's: "May the Force be with You" and "I have a bad feeling about this". In the Shaw universe it's: "But still..." and "You bastard!". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Violento Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 to master Bronze Skin and Iron Bones, one has to be soaked in medicinal herbs that hurts like hell and then one must be brutally beaten daily. No thanks! Further, at the end of the treatment, one loses the ability to father children (presumably unable to have sex too!). No, not quite. Remember what Fong Sai-Yuk's mother was saying in "Shaolin Avengers". If You want to master the Iron/bronze/steel bones/skin/shirt/body (whatever!), You have to be a virgin in the 1st place! And You to stay that way, which is quite a price. I think that's why Pai Mei is such a mean guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 @ Violento ... mate, your "I think that's why Pai Mei is such a mean guy" gave me serious stomach cramps!:rollin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Iron Boat Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Also, in the shaw universe you have to be very good at math. If two good guys die, two bad guys must die to balance it out....this is mostly seen in 5 Shaolin Masters and definitly in the New One Armed Swordsman. David Chaing looses 1 arm. Ti Lung is split in two, the bad guy looses one arm, but is struck down with three. He is thrown right were Ti Lung is buried. The Shaws is a mathematical universe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Iron Boat Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 The purpose of going into a Tea house is to either be in a fight or see a fight...Also there will always be a weasily gossiper at the tea house telling everybodys business. If you where a cape and big rimmed hat, that makes you twice as deadly as you would be in plain clothing. Most important rule....The Ladies love Wandering Swordmen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tangowind Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 # Gigantic plot holes in every single wuxia based on and adapted from a novel, written either by Gu Lung or Jin Yung (Louis Cha)... # The one and only motivation of every single wuxia villain: Ruling the martial arts world... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ninja Sinai Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I laughed so hard that I fell off the roof of my house and cracked the fingers on my left hand. Amazingly this injury has instantly made me master a new fighting style. Two rules from the Ninja: - An annoying bastard son may turn up at sometime simply to annoy the f#@k out of everyone watching… an for some strange mysterious reason.. no one in the movie will find him annoying! - Staying a virgin will give you super strength and ability to master a killer fighting style! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 In the Shaw Universe there is no need for clothing stores because everyone is very happy with wearing the same outfit their entire life! Also, I wonder how often these characters wash their respective clothing ensamble? And what are the exact directions for washing a shinny sliver chain-link vest? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 # Gigantic plot holes in every single wuxia based on and adapted from a novel, written either by Gu Lung or Jin Yung (Louis Cha)... I'm guessing that this is not a fault of the original novels (which are often really long) but the screenwriter's attempts to condense the uncondesable into 100m without ditching any character of twist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BleuVenom Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Great one ShaofuSage! I also get a kick out of the heroes (and top villians, better throw in some princes and generals) wearing fancy, shiny, colorful, elaborate, not to mention delicate threads around all day and get into a fight without so much as a tear in them at times. Or just before a showdown and verbal exchange they take the time to remove their robe --only to the throw it onto the ground! If a hero must go of to train somewhere far away and remote, it seems he only has to have one change of clothes in that bundle. Princes etc, can fight exceptionally well inspite of the awkward and/or heavy-looking head dress/ crowns they have on their heads because no matter how vigorous they battle, it will not fall out....unless it's being removed by say, a sword. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ToddTheRef Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Turning down sex from from a hot chick who is ready to go is in no way gay, it is in fact heroic . Said hot chick always understands why she has been turned down, and reconizes that said hero is not gay, he is simply heroic. Said hot chick never asks "Why don't you want to eff me?" If a fight starts in a house, it MUST move to the courtyard before all is said and done. This is usually accomplished by kicking or punching one's opponent through a flimsy yet ornate carved wood "wall", and then stylishly jumping off a trampoline out after him. For bonus points, said jump will include a midair flip. All blue-clad soldiers MUST be armed with a spear, must be reluctant to attack hero (as told by the hesitant/scared expression on soldier's face after watching hero slay several hundred similarly-dressed soldiers), and must be stupid enough not to suggest "hey, lets attack him ALL AT ONCE". If hero needs to get to baddie about to kill hero's friend/ girlfriend/ or mentor, there will always be waves of lackeys to stop hero JUST long enough so hero arrives just in time to see the killing blow. Hero's eybrows will then raise in shock, only to be interupted by the last few lackeys attacking. Hero quickly finishes off these lackeys, and then hero is all alone to cradle the body and mourn the death of friend/girlfriend/ mentor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 To elaborate on BleuVenom's rule regarding a hero's bundle, a hero can live out of his bundle for countless years even though it usually only contains a pair of loose pants, a shirt, and a steamed bun, and possibly some of those cool loafers. A hero can also travel countless miles with only this bundle to keep him alive. Lastly, a hero's bundle never contains a toothbrush, hence the poor dental hygene of the majority of Shaw stars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Iron Boat Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Getting blinded, maimed, crippled, just makes you a better fighter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KidwiththeGoldenArm Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 It makes you a POTENTIALLY better fighter if you can find a motivated master and complete the unorthadox training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Said hot chick never asks "Why don't you want to eff me?" :lol and must be stupid enough not to suggest "hey, lets attack him ALL AT ONCE". It's true. They stand in line waiting for their turn. Must be a ticket allocation. Lastly, a hero's bundle never contains a toothbrush, hence the poor dental hygene of the majority of Shaw stars. That explains Chiang Sheng then... :b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest italdesign Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 875. When hero is in trouble, there is always some object nearby that he/she can use to kill off the bad guy (example: sharp ice in Sentimental Swordsman). Amazingly, our hero never has to look around much to find it -- it seems to find the hero. More amazingly, even though the hero is obviously gazing at the object, the bad guy pays no attention. 876. When hero falls off cliff, he's either saved by a bird or gets caught on a tree. Either way, no chance of him being a goner. 877. In a Chu Yuan mystery, the ultimate evil guy is usually a nice guy on the surface. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest italdesign Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 (unable to load pagetext) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KidwiththeGoldenArm Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 And everyone loves those buns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Iron Boat Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 If you are not either very ugly or very handsome and charming, chances are your Kung Fu Skills are average at best. In the Shaw Brothers Universe, your Kung Fu Skills have a lot to do with how physically attractive or unattractive you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Wuxia heroes have balls of iron ... just so as to survive leaps off the roof and landing smack on their groins on their horses' saddles! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 On the night before the wuxia hero's scheduled death duel, he'll either be spending the entire night with delightful betties or alone meditating. One would have thought that some rest is in order! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 he'll either be spending the entire night with delightful betties or alone meditating Meditating? I've never heard it called that before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Markgway, your post took a while but I got it ...:rollin Here's the inspired amendment: ... he'll either be spending the entire night with delightful betties or alone masturbating. Either way ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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