Member KyFi Posted March 27, 2005 Member Share Posted March 27, 2005 When you are ambushed in the tea house by hatchet-wielding thugs, and one of them hits you in the abdomen with the hatchet, said hatchet will stay firmly planted there no matter how vigorously you're fighting and moving after that. The upside of this, however, is that you'll have easy access to that hatchet to use it against your opponents (preferably the boss) a bit later on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest italdesign Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 any supernatural element in Chu Yuan's wuxia films may get you for a minute (e.g. people being shrinked into puppet size), but they always have a plausible nonsupernatural explanation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mclaowai Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Movies must end with a freeze frame of either the hero or villian in mid-Hong Kong roll-out.:rollin Trailers must be perfect 5 min abridged versions of the story, incuding the final finishing blow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 When the wuxia hero drinks wine, he/she drinks it by the jar. The hero downs the entire contents of the jar with the wine running down OUTSIDE of both sides of jaw, down the neck, and down the front torso, completely drenching the clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Barsader Posted March 28, 2005 Member Share Posted March 28, 2005 No matter how large the group of people fighting,and regardless of their skill,all it takes is one person to yell "hold it!" and then everybody will stop fighting and listen very intently to the person who yelled. when a hero wants revenge and practises for for a few years. said hero is then skilled enough to take on end boss.But the end boss never seems to get better.hat was the boss doing for the last few years?obviously not practising his Kung fu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Centorpedo Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 59.) When he needs to lay low for a while, and maybe get over a poisoning and/or massive near-fatal wound, there are thousands of empty houses all across China for our hero to choose from. 60.) Empty houses must be entered without knocking. If hero should decide to knock upon door before entering, then the house will no longer be vacant, but rather occuppied, by either a.) a gorgeous, single and/or widowed ex-prostitute or b.) another, prior hero, himself laying low for a while. 61.) If there is a prior hero laying low in the house, he will not be one of our arriving hero's enemies: that would be too easy, and could mess up the complicated nature of wuxia. Instead, arriving hero and prior hero will belong to the same clan, and our arriving hero will take the prior hero as his master. 62.) Later, at that moment in wuxia films when things get really confusing, it will be revealed that the two heroes were indeed mortal enemies all along. Wang Lung Wei will somehow be involved in this turn of events, as per KyFi's earlier rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest italdesign Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 No matter how large the group of people fighting,and regardless of their skill,all it takes is one person to yell "hold it!" and then everybody will stop fighting and listen very intently to the person who yelled. Good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 This is the funniest thread in ages. It's actually reminding me why I enjoy these movies so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kenichiku Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 No way! You guys are still at this! Okay, let's fuel the fire with 10 more: 63. Nightfall is always viewed from the same cloudy sky through the same leafless deciduous tree to the same full paper moon. 64. Blood drooling from the mouth usually indicates a debilitating injury, at the least fleeing to recuperate on a hiatus from KF and at most fatal so f**k it, fight on and go out in a blaze of glory. 65. Loose clay roof-tiles are always the ‘windows to the world’ without being noticed from below. 66. A punctured paper window screens are the ‘keyholes to the world’ without being noticed from the inside. 67. Solving everyday difficulties at the dinner table always accentuate and foreshadow the greater successes of rigorous Kung Fu training sequences. 68. Heroic rigor mortis deaths are the way to go while leaving a lasting impression on your foes. 69. Cheng Kang Yeh is every hero’s comic relief twerp sidekick . 70. Li Kun is every Cheng Pei Pei heroine’s comic relief twerp sidekick . 71. In wuxia films, Fang Mei Sheng & Hsia Ping are always paired up together as the same married couple. 72. When Feng Ko An, Chiang Tao and/or Wang Lung Wei show up in your town, you know they’re not out collecting for the Red Cross :evil . Man with this crowd, we’ll reach 100 in no time. [spel] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tangowind Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 OK, how about this? 73) Martial art heroes seem to never change their favorite/trademark costumes. They wear the same thing from the beginning till the end of the movie 74) Unlike martial art heroes, in every contemporary drama/musical/action featuring Lily Ho, there must be one costume change for the lady for every next scene 75) This might also apply outside the Shaw Universe but none of martial art heroes actually have any proper job. Where the f*** do they get money all the time? :rolleyes 76) Martial art heroes often travel with very long distances carrying nothing with them but their weapons :rolleyes Ignore the last 2 if you think these rules also exist outside the Shaw world Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Barsader's The Yell "hold it!" Rule is tops! It captures the general rather than the mere particular. With that Barsader has revealed a general truism, a Law (and not a mere rule) in the Shaw Universe, so to speak! It applies across all action genre! italdesign is spot on in praising this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sevenhooks Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 No matter how large the group of people fighting,and regardless of their skill,all it takes is one person to yell "hold it!" and then everybody will stop fighting and listen very intently to the person who yelled. GAME OVER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 If you meet a lone damsel or two in the middle of nowhere, in the woods, in deserted houses or temples, or in some lonely places at night, beware for they are not what they seemed ... could be anything from vixens to fox spirits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 The only way that a hero can tell that a man is actually a woman in great disguise is by a revelation of the length of her hair or by accidentally touching her breast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Accidentally touching her breast wins hands down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Accidentally touching her breast wins hands down! Yeah, I use that one alll the time... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Martial arts lessons at the Shaolin Temple guarantee victory, irrelevant of the time spent there by the hero. The death of one's master will always be successfully avenged! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Markgway. you are a True Hero, a True Master ... please instruct us in your delightful ways! Inspired by your post, here is one distinction between the Wuxia Hero and the True Hero: Wuxia Hero ACCIDENTALLY trips over, face landing on breasts, while True Hero DELIBERATELY trips over, face landing on breasts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 To become a disciple of Shaolin temple you need to fulfill one necessary condition and one sufficient condition outside the gates of the temple. Necessary condition: Kneel with the rest of the applicants. Sufficient condition: Out kneel the rest of the applicants. Given that the entrance examination's emphasis is on brawn rather than brain it is no wonder that most of the Shaolin disciples beat an early path to Hades! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member Barsader Posted March 30, 2005 Member Share Posted March 30, 2005 GAME OVER.?????????????????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 #? - Heroes are superb students of the martial arts and never fail in learning any skill that is shown to them by their respective masters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delightful Forest Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Snow storms in 40 degrees centigrade heat is not unusual! Cladded in heavy winter attire, the hero's greatest adversary is not the villians he is fighting but the heat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Markgway Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 --Females can be as horrible, bitchy and treacherous as they like and the hero will eventually forgive them... but if a male looks at him the wrong way then it's swords at dawn. --If you are a bearded villain you must laugh after every threat or warning of death. (Eg. "So... you think you can kill me Chang Chiu Pang...? Then you must die!! Bwahahahaahah!!!") --Even if for 90 mins a villain's sword is undefeatable - the super silver dragons sword etc - the hero will always find a makeshift weapon to combat it. Look here's some brass rings I found lying about. --Anyone who commits suicide by stabbing themselves in the guts will always succeed very quickly. Never will they be in so much pain that they cannot finish the job and require the help of a decapitator. --Women can either fight like the devil (and are quite capable of running thru 20 or 30 henchmen) or are useless in the extreme ("Arrggh, I tripped over a branch. Save me!!") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ShaofuSage Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 The only reason that a woman has for getting naked is to entice the hero with her sexuality, usually in hopes of killing him or turning him evil. Otherwise, there would not be any need for nudity in the martial world. Shaw heroes have an unbelievable capacity for resisting nude women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member KyFi Posted March 30, 2005 Member Share Posted March 30, 2005 If you're a low-ranking soldier or bandit, you sure as heck better be in good shape, because while the two or three officers/bosses are galloping on horseback the five miles to the battle, you're going to be running behind them, having to keep up on foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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