Things I Hate or Find Funny in Kung Fu Movies

[Duel to the Death]

8 minutes ago, ukrevrend said:

Kung Fu Zombie - Billy Chong undercranking at it's worst!

Kung Fu Zombie Trailer

bless

Thanks

[edher_M.A.]

I hate when the fight scene is TOO well choreographed and lacks of the grittyness and slopiness of a real fight lol  I mean, i don't expect them to look like real  fight but there's a difference between looking for something real, and looking for something with realism

[Duel to the Death]

Something that i'm surprised i haven't mentioned before. Burned in hard to read subtitles. Those are the worst. Or subtitles that are on the screen for barely a second and impossible to read them that fast. I'm not a speed reader. lol

[TheKungFuRobber]

1: Mainly for Korean films, when Thomas Tang ruining the film but anglicizing the name and plot points.
2: The Big Gundown theme
3: Slide whistle noises
4: GRUNT
5: Jason Pai Piao or Jacky Chen-Shao Liang's acting abiltities
6: Pan/Scan
7: Rape juxtaposed with comedy
8: Pointless sacrifice because some old bastard demands their sons avenge them or some other nonsense
9: Japs/Manchu cliche
10: Animal cruelty
11: Fart jokes
12: Dean Shek
13: Dubtitles
14: The ending of My Life is On The Line
15: Rampant misoginy
16: Unlikable protaganists
17: Stupid Aussie dubbing
18: Abusive father figures
19: Bruce Le's stupid haircut
20: Gimpy side characters

[Killer Meteor]

The lack of sync-sound audio for the Chinese versions up until the mid 90s.

[DrNgor]

8 hours ago, TheKungFuRobber said:

2: The Big Gundown theme

But...but...greatness!...Ennio Morricone...but....awesomeness!

[slinky#1]

I hate that there really aren't very many kung fu movies these days and much fighting in them except a select few. : )

[HyperDrive]

On 7/26/2020 at 8:01 PM, Duel to the Death said:

Something that i'm surprised i haven't mentioned before. Burned in hard to read subtitles. Those are the worst. Or subtitles that are on the screen for barely a second and impossible to read them that fast. I'm not a speed reader. lol

I always thought it was weird that they would put subtitles on scenes with a white background (like people on a dock in front of a yacht) without using a filter to make sure it was readable. Then the dvd release would miss or ignore that issue.

[Liersi]

On 7/27/2020 at 6:01 AM, TheKungFuRobber said:

7: Rape juxtaposed with comedy
8: Pointless sacrifice because some old bastard demands their sons avenge them or some other nonsense
15: Rampant misoginy
16: Unlikable protaganists

Yes! The rampant misogyny isn't a kung fu thing, but it sticks out like a sore thumb in them as well. It may be tied to the other points quoted, like being asked to identify with boorish idiots dying for "honour". Often in hilariously unnecessary ways, like running away from the bad guys and staying back just to die an "honourable" death. Sorry for the quotes, but I find nothing honourable in this. You died like an idiot after you'd already escaped. We all know that when you make it over the wall in a kung fu movie, you instantly disappear Or died for no good reason, like avenging your dad just to die yourself and look good to others. This is a kind of "honour" reserved for "manly men" who treat women like accessories in their wardrobe, if they exist at all. Thankfully kung fu cinema is also full of great women, but whenever these guys show up I cringe.

Also, unlikable protagonists: what's up with protagonists being desperate posers? The average underdog learning kung fu can't wait to have everyone suck up to them and polish their toenails as soon as they get some momentum going. There's often this instant celebration scene where a nameless crowd gathers around our hero and screams their admirations while he looks like "yeah, that's all mine! I'm so awesome!". Shit, it's hard to relate to people who are so vain and full of themselves. As in the above, arrogance and haughtiness are often displayed as heroic qualities.

Edited July 28, 2020 by Liersi

[Duel to the Death]

5 hours ago, Liersi said:

Often in hilariously unnecessary ways, like running away from the bad guys and staying back just to die an "honourable" death. Sorry for the quotes, but I find nothing honourable in this. You died like an idiot after you'd already escaped. We all know that when you make it over the wall in a kung fu movie, you instantly disappear Or died for no good reason, like avenging your dad just to die yourself and look good to others. This is a kind of "honour" reserved for "manly men" who treat women like accessories in their wardrobe, if they exist at all. Thankfully kung fu cinema is also full of great women, but whenever these guys show up I cringe.

Or when you have a group of thugs attacking someone (Hero of the movie) and all of them have the same exact lack of skill and after 90% have been easily beaten or killed the others keep on fighting till their very last breath. After you seen all the others go down so easily why do you think you have a chance? Just run away. Some smart movies will do that and the last few run away, but so many don't.  Thugs number 19 and 20 think they can get the job done after 1-18 got their ass beaten in seconds. 

[Liersi]

51 minutes ago, Duel to the Death said:

Or when you have a group of thugs attacking someone (Hero of the movie) and all of them have the same exact lack of skill and after 90% have been easily beaten or killed the others keep on fighting till their very last breath. After you seen all the others go down so easily why do you think you have a chance? Just run away. Some smart movies will do that and the last few run away, but so many don't.  Thugs number 19 and 20 think they can get the job done after 1-18 got their ass beaten in seconds. 

I'm so glad to read this. Years back I remember discussions about how the psychology of the fight didn't matter, that the narrative of the fight didn't matter as long as it was cool and awesome. IMHO this has ruined many athletically and technically great fights.  It is a lot more awesome to see the popcorn enemies start to doubt themselves (as they would!) than to see them charge the invicible like lemmings charging a lawnmower!

[Chu Liu Hsiang]

On 7/28/2020 at 3:12 AM, HyperDrive said:

 subtitles on scenes with a white background (like people on a dock in front of a yacht) 

To put the cherry on the cake, the actors are wearing white clothes!

[TheKungFuRobber]

Yeah. It's much more pleasant to be able to watch films with softcoded subtitles.

[JackieRome]

any animal that is mistreated ... have a fixation. and it wasn't always fiction

[Killer Meteor]

The singing girls in the taverns (see KING BOXER and THE BIG FIGHT) where the young starlet is trying to lip-sync to a screechy old record from the pre-war days.

[ShaOW!linDude]

I hate when henchmen don't stay down once the snot has been beaten out of them for 3 minutes. Really? You're coming back for more? Is the pay so good it's that worth it?

[Killer Meteor]

I really could have done without seeing Cheng Fu-Hung in a loincloth...

[edher_M.A.]

On 8/5/2020 at 10:16 AM, ShaOW!linDude said:

I hate when henchmen don't stay down once the snot has been beaten out of them for 3 minutes. Really? You're coming back for more? Is the pay so good it's that worth it?

Well, we have seen in many movies that after the henchmen loses and goes to report to the main bad guy, he may end up killed. So i guess thats what is in his mind. Keeping your head over your shoulders is a good motivation to keep trying... lol

[Liersi]

Last night made me think of this discussion. In The Fearless Hyena, Jackie goes super vegetable hero by throwing himself at Ren Shiguan (who murdered his pop-pop). Ok, the guy murdered your daddy-daddy, you're angry. But you're like a mouse fighting a cat! It's playing with you, sparing your life only because you're so damn lousy it doesn't even feel threatened. That's how little chance you have. You're a hamster fighting a lawnmower. Stop. Just stop and go home. You want revenge? Go train. Don't die for honour, live to fight another day. You testosterone vegetable. Yet the film undoubtedly finds this a pinnacle of heroism!

[ShawAngela]

On 6/20/2020 at 11:45 PM, paimeifist said:

When one person is fighting a giant group, and they fight them one at a time, while the rest are in the background swaying back and forth and making "scared sounds" while their partner is fighting

I was about to post a similar comment after having watched The fierce boxer, but it's already here !

Also, as I just saw in The fierce boxer, not only the rest of the group doesn't fight but shows martial postures from time to time when the hero is fighting with the villain, but also they don't even intervene when they see that the hero is about to be killed and they let hi be killed, and then, they react and cry for his death or flee away !!

[ShawAngela]

On 8/14/2020 at 3:43 PM, Liersi said:

Yet the film undoubtedly finds this a pinnacle of heroism!

[ShawAngela]

Something that I ABSOLUTELY HATE is when men are assaulting women with sniggers every few seconds, or when they are about to attack some people with the same sniggers that make me mad !

[ShawAngela]

Also, after watching The devil's mirror yesterday, it reminded me how I hate when the devil women are sniggering for nothing every few seconds. Hsu Feng did also that in To kill with intrigue and it was so annoying !!

[ShawAngela]

On 6/21/2020 at 6:02 AM, venom10463 said:

I hate when the dubbing changes the Chinese names to English ones.

Yes, agreed 100% ! 

 

And also when they litterally translate the Mandarin names, leading to such ridiculous English names as "The bird with painted eyebrows" (found a similar name in a French translated book on Chu Liu Xiang !!), instead of keeping the melodious Mandarin names !!

[Chu Liu Hsiang]

1 hour ago, ShawAngela said:

 "The bird with painted eyebrows" (found a similar name in a French translated book on Chu Liu Xiang !!), instead of keeping the melodious Mandarin names !!

La grive aux sourcils peints, right? I stumbled over that one too. Books should have a name index which include the names' translations but then use the original names.