Fu Flicks You Couldn't Make it the End Of....Member Confessions

[TibetanWhiteCrane]

I'm soooo behind in current HK cinema, but perhaps because I don't really care anymore. A few titles might catch my eye, but I'll never really get to 'em when there's still so much interesting old stuff I have yet to see.

Oh, recently tried to sit through Ip Man 3.... I was embarrassed on their behalf, and threw in the towel after about an hour. Action wasn't bad, but stuff like that Thai elevator fight I just found ridiculous and also I couldn't get past Mike Tyson. A bald, black businessman with a 90's tribal face tattoo in 60's HK.... nope.

[Killer Meteor]

I've never been able to finish Wang Yu The Destroyer AKA Rage of the Master. The film looks fun but the dubbing is really awful!

[sym8]

Hot potato(Jim Kelly)oh dear,Ninja 3 the domination after the classic revenge of the ninja they bring this mess out and S.P.L 2 I almost got to the end but turned it off half way through the finale(to much wire assisted fight choreography for me)

[DrNgor]

1 hour ago, sym8 said:

Hot potato(Jim Kelly)

My old website (It's a Beautiful Film Worth Fighting For) was initially based on the HOT POTATO system, in which I'd rate a film based on how many times I'd watch it again before considering another go at HOT POTATO.

1 hour ago, sym8 said:

Ninja 3 the domination after the classic revenge of the ninja they bring this mess out

I was disappointed with it, although the opening action sequence where it takes more than 10 minutes to down the evil ninja is pretty classic.

1 hour ago, sym8 said:

S.P.L 2 I almost got to the end but turned it off half way through the finale(to much wire assisted fight choreography for me)

Maybe I'm an unrepentant completist, but turning off a film midway through the climax and not being able to say you've seen the entire movie seems like a bit much because of the wires. I mean, if you've already invested 110 minutes, what's another 4 or 5 (so to speak)?

[LuFengLover]

On 10/18/2017 at 3:56 PM, teako170 said:

I use to keep a list of films I watched and then dumped in the trash, so I wouldn't mistakenly pick them up in a trade at some future point. While many of these were indie produced crap, some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

I am so glad I am not the only one who had issues with the original Police Story.  I "watched" it twice.  It was on in the background while I did other things. I tried really hard to watch for a podcast. Just not for me I guess. 

[DrNgor]

6 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

12 hours ago, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

I know some people think likes of "The Dragon Lives", "Bruce Li in New Guinea" and "Fantasy Mission Force" is fun as sort of cult movie cheese. To me it's unbearable Z grade schlock and never made it through any of them.

Likewise, I've also attempted all three of those titles mentioned, and have failed to get to the end of any of them.

How can anyone NOT love FANTASY MISSION FORCE? We're talking a film about people riding into Luxembourg, located somewhere in Canada, to save Abraham Lincoln from Chinese Nazis. And it features nuggets of dialog like, "Well, it turns out there weren't any ghosts in there after all. They were just wizards who used ghosts to scare people."

51 minutes ago, LuFengLover said:

I am so glad I am not the only one who had issues with the original Police Story.  I "watched" it twice.  It was on in the background while I did other things. I tried really hard to watch for a podcast. Just not for me I guess. 

I'm going to have to breathe into a paper bag soon.

[One Armed Boxer]

32 minutes ago, DrNgor said:

And it features nuggets of dialog like, "Well, it turns out there weren't any ghosts in there after all. They were just wizards who used ghosts to scare people."

& people say HK cinema has only been required to include logical explanations for any supernatural activity since the handover?

[TibetanWhiteCrane]

9 hours ago, sym8 said:

 S.P.L 2 I almost got to the end but turned it off half way through the finale(to much wire assisted fight choreography for me)

I made it through this one, but was thoroughly underwhelmed. Unlike the classic original, I didn't care about the story or the characters. I found it "wanna-be cool", contrived and the action was a big ol' case of "been there, done that".... with wires and the same Muay Thai moves seen since 2004.... Yaaaawn!

[ShaOW!linDude]

23 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

As for a more recent production, I'll throw in Rise of the Legend (2014).  There's something about Eddie Peng that I find mildly insufferable, the guy has the looks, but something about his demeanor onscreen just comes across like he's trying too hard.  I was able to suffer through both 'Call of Heroes' and 'Operation Mekong' because he wasn't the main character, but with 'Rise of the Legend', not only was he front and center...but on top of that he's playing Wong Fei Hung!  The rain drenched alley way fight, featured so prominently in the trailers, is drenched more in slow motion than it is drops of water, and they didn't get any better after that.  The charming arrogance of Jackie Chan, the uprightness of Jet Li, the calm demeanor of Kwan Tak-Hing...all of these qualities are missing from Peng's portrayal, who's overly cocksure presence makes for an unwelcome re-imagining of such a legendary figure.  Once I realized it clocked in at a whopping over 2 hours, I decided to clock out at the 20 minute mark.

Oddly enough, this film sort of struck the right balance between grounded and wire-assisted choreography for me. But I can understand why you found Peng to be kind of off-putting in this. I would suggest you at least view the end fight between and Sammo. It has its moments.

 

[sym8]

19 hours ago, DrNgor said:

My old website (It's a Beautiful Film Worth Fighting For) was initially based on the HOT POTATO system, in which I'd rate a film based on how many times I'd watch it again before considering another go at HOT POTATO.

I was disappointed with it, although the opening action sequence where it takes more than 10 minutes to down the evil ninja is pretty classic.

Maybe I'm an unrepentant completist, but turning off a film midway through the climax and not being able to say you've seen the entire movie seems like a bit much because of the wires. I mean, if you've already invested 110 minutes, what's another 4 or 5 (so to speak)?

With regards to S.P.l 2 I have a real problem with wire work in a modern setting,it kinda works for me in the wu xia genre but when they use it in that genre I get really pissed,especially when you have skilled martial artists like Wu Jing  and Tony Jaa who don't really need wires to look and move good,and with ninja 3 the opening sequence where the ninja burrows under the ground and gets shot about 50 times but just doesn't die was enough for me to turn it off but I guess each to there own.

[DrNgor]

15 minutes ago, sym8 said:

With regards to S.P.l 2 I have a real problem with wire work in a modern setting,it kinda works for me in the wu xia genre but when they use it in that genre I get really pissed,especially when you have skilled martial artists like Wu Jing  and Tony Jaa who don't really need wires to look and move good

I completely understand this part. I just find it fascinating that after investing the better part of two hours on a movie, you'd bail out with a few minutes left instead of sticking it out and unleashing your venom on the film in a review or some other forum afterward.

[HyperDrive]

Sammo Hung's Don't Give a Damn aka Burger Cop

I also fell asleep halfway though Lantern Street with Jimmy Wang Yu.

Surprised at stuff like The Raid and Police Story being named in this topic. I was sort of expecting answers like "The Yuen Clan was too weird" or stuff like Goose Boxer.

[Asmo]

One that comes to mind right now is Battle Wizard. I think I alternated between fast forwarding and falling asleep.

[TibetanWhiteCrane]

8 hours ago, HyperDrive said:

I was sort of expecting answers like "The Yuen Clan was too weird" or stuff like Goose Boxer.

Whoa, dude.... the whole sex manual gag in "Goose Boxer" results in one of the funniest fights ever, and on the whole I think the action is deecent in that one.

[thekfc]

I cannot recall a movie that I have not made it all the way to the end.

If I have invest the time to watch a movie then I may have well  just have to make it to the end.

There are plenty of movies that I have fast forwarded as well as fell asleep on (but hose movies I would go back as FF to the end).

There are some that I have yet to watch - Rise Of The Legend, Legend of the Fist (might be the only Donnie Yen movie I have yet to watch & I own 4 different copies of that movie), & a host lot more.

On a side note, Hancock (Will Smith) is another movie that I have been meaning to watch but can bring myself to put the disc in the player & I have own that movie for over 8 years.

[One Armed Boxer]

On 10/22/2017 at 2:44 AM, ShaOW!linDude said:

Oddly enough, this film sort of struck the right balance between grounded and wire-assisted choreography for me. But I can understand why you found Peng to be kind of off-putting in this. I would suggest you at least view the end fight between and Sammo. It has its moments.

Oh man, it took me a whole day just to watch the full clip.  On the first attempt, as soon as Sammo recreated his puppet-on-a-string routine from the 'Ip Man' sequel, and jumped down a whole flight of stairs, I instinctively turned it off in disgust.  Why would an action director think that an overweight 62 year old was capable of such a move, when he still wouldn't have been able to do it at half that age!?  Sammo still has so many strengths, and such an imposing screen presence ('Sha Po Lang' showed exactly the way he should portray a villain), so it's embarrassing to watch him in scenes like this.  I would have preferred to see him slowly descend the stairs one at a time, then proceed to knock seven bells out of Eddie Peng, with both feet firmly on the ground.

Out of respect for @ShaOW!linDude, I then went back to watch the rest to see if it improved after that.  The whole fight is like the best bits from the finales of 'Miracles', 'Once Upon a Time in China', & 'Dragon Lord' have been thrown into a blender, mixed with a generous dose of long expired digital sauce, and then someone hit maximum power but forgot to put the lid on.  What a horrendous mess.  However Vincent Zhao decides to play Fei Hung in his upcoming double feature, anything will be an improvement on this.

(You see I also switch off movies early in order to contain my anger management issues)

7 hours ago, Asmo said:

One that comes to mind right now is Battle Wizard. I think I alternated between fast forwarding and falling asleep.

'Battle Wizard' is pure class!  Where else can you see Danny Lee wrestling with a giant snake, battle a hook handed monster, and clash with a clan of ninjas just for good measure!?

5 hours ago, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

Whoa, dude.... the whole sex manual gag in "Goose Boxer" results in one of the funniest fights ever, and on the whole I think the action is deecent in that one.

I confess I didn't even get a minute into 'Goose Boxer'.  That soundtrack was making my ears bleed ("Wah Wah Waaah Wah, Wah Wah Waaah Wah"), and then as soon as Charles Heung lifted a gooses ass up to his face just so it could give him a faeces facial, that was enough.

4 hours ago, thekfc said:

Legend of the Fist (might be the only Donnie Yen movie I have yet to watch & I own 4 different copies of that movie)

How on earth does one come to be in possession of 4 different copies of 'Legend of the Fist'!?

[De Ming Li]

Even as a huge Ho Chung Tao fan I must say that The New Game of Death was very hard to sit through, I had to constantly pinch and kick myself to finished watching this quite lame trash fest.

[Killer Meteor]

New Game of Death is one of many Bruceplotiation flicks where the music gets me through. In this case, you have Barry White's "Love's Theme" or Candy's "King of Kung Fu!"

[thekfc]

2 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

How on earth does one come to be in possession of 4 different copies of 'Legend of the Fist'!?

Copy #1: Got the Intercontential Video DVD on first release.

Copy #2: Then the Well Go USA 2-disc Collection DVD at a bargain price.

Copy #3. Best Buy has a buy 2 get 1 free promo. The selections were pretty slim about 12 titles, I wanted 4 out of the 12 and since I didn't have the Blu-ray at the time I chose it as one of the free movies. The is the copy with Donnie wearing the white outfit on the cover.

Copy #4: Fry had a promotion where there was a bunch of movies for $2.99, I needed a filler to get the free shipping. They only allow 1 copy of each title and that was the only title at the low price that wasn't in my cart. Shipping was more than the title so it was a no brainer to get the title instead of paying shipping. The is the copy with Donnie wearing the mask & black outfit on the cover.

 

[One Armed Boxer]

48 minutes ago, thekfc said:

Copy #1: Got the Intercontential Video DVD on first release.

Copy #2: Then the Well Go USA 2-disc Collection DVD at a bargain price.

Copy #3. Best Buy has a buy 2 get 1 free promo. The selections were pretty slim about 12 titles, I wanted 4 out of the 12 and since I didn't have the Blu-ray at the time I chose it as one of the free movies. The is the copy with Donnie wearing the white outfit on the cover.

Copy #4: Fry had a promotion where there was a bunch of movies for $2.99, I needed a filler to get the free shipping. They only allow 1 copy of each title and that was the only title at the low price that wasn't in my cart. Shipping was more than the title so it was a no brainer to get the title instead of paying shipping. The is the copy with Donnie wearing the mask & black outfit on the cover.

 

I like your style, because why have 105 minutes of mediocrity, when you can have 420?

In truth I actually really enjoyed the first hour of 'Legend of the Fist', it's in the final third in which it goes irredeemably off the rails.  I posted my thoughts on it here - 

 

[KUNG FU BOB]

On 10/17/2017 at 5:12 PM, One Armed Boxer said:

Let's face it, we all have those kung-fu movies that we decide to check out hoping for a dose of martial arts greatness, only to end up with a lackluster production featuring sub-par choreography, grating comedy, and nonsensical editing.  In most cases though, we still get to the end of them, being that as fans of old-school kung-fu, a high tolerance for all of the listed failings comes as a prerequisite. 

However, despite this, there are still those movies out there that for some of us, it just becomes a bridge too far to get to the end of them.  This will be the thread where I encourage you to name them, in the hopes that perhaps other members can share your woes, or even better, perhaps even convince you to get to the end of them.

Good thread idea.

Let me apologize in advance for my ridiculous amount of quotes/responses...

On 10/17/2017 at 6:12 PM, ShaOW!linDude said:

Interesting topic. I'll have to mull this one over. Typically, if I find an MA movie to become too annoying to tolerate any longer, I'll ff to all the training sequences/fights just to see if the action is worth a flip. I've held onto films solely for that purpose. The fights were fairly good, but I'll never watch them for story, acting, or comedic value.

I've got tons of these. Some I keep for just a single scene I like.

On 10/17/2017 at 7:10 PM, DrNgor said:

I couldn't finish a second viewing of Twins Effect 2/Huadu Chronicles.

Beyond that, I don't think I've ever quit during a first-time viewing, not even Hot Potato. *shudders*

I have yet to try watching TWINS EFFECT 2 a second time. Ugh.

Oh man, HOT POTATO is truly awful. Long ago, based on Jim Kelly's charismatic performance in ENTER THE DRAGON, I bought every other film I could find with him in it. This included HOT POTATO (which my friend and I hated so much that we considered smashing the VHS when it was over) and DEATH DIMENSION (1978, USA, aka. The Black Eliminator / Dead Dimension / Freeze Bomb / Icy Death / The Kill Factor). All those alternate titles... a perfect example of "crap by any other name"! Over a decade later I re-watched DEATH DIMENSION and found it to be entertainingly bad. So when Warner Brothers finally released BLACK BELT JONES widescreen on DVD and it came with HOT POTATO, I thought it might be fun the second time around. No. No it wasn't. What an insipid film.

On 10/17/2017 at 8:38 PM, Shaolivevil said:

Half A Loaf Of Kung Fu - I had a hard time sitting through many of Jackie Chan's early films but this one, I just couldn't do it...

 

This one was tough going for me too, but I did finish it. I don't think I made it all the way through TO KILL WITH INTRIGUE and possibly KILLER METEORS.

On 10/18/2017 at 6:35 AM, DragonClaws said:

Managed to sit this one no problem, and I've never actually switched off that many Kung Fu movies because they were that bad. Guess I could be a visual audio masochist, when I think of some of the films I've sat through. That said, I came very close to turning of Mantis Under Falcon Claws, I movie that I seem to keep acquiring via budget Kung Fu movie boxsets. I gave away my Vengeance Video single disc release, only for the film to keep finding me again. Like @Shaolivevil I didn't get far into Snake Fist Dynamo before turning it off, don't recall much in the way of action, just a lot of bad comedy.

I'm usually the same way. It's a bit of "I already committed time to watching most of this, so I may as well finish" and afraid I'm going to miss something.

Love how you put that. That damn movie is haunting you!

On 10/18/2017 at 7:43 AM, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

I seem to remember fast forwarding A LOT through the tortuous chore that is Coward Bastard. I DID finish though, as the action is pretty good, but fuck is the comedy grating.

Same thing for Incredible Kung Fu Mission.... good action, cool training scenes, badass villain, but the comedy and the English dub makes it hard to get through without use of the FFW button.

Remember bailing on Guy with Super Kung Fu, Funny Kung Fu, a few of those Taiwanese Kung Fu Kids movies and most Elton Chong joints.

Unlike you, I rarely fast forward through anything... I foolishly suffer through them. Doh!

Once when my wife's uncle invited us to use his mountain house for a week I decided to take along a few Shaw Brothers IVL DVDs that I'd bought when they came out (years before), but still hadn't watched. They have a high-tech projector, so I took my all-region player along and hooked it up so I could watch... COWARD BASTARD and TIGRESS OF SHAOLIN! Yikes! Seeing those two films back to back was almost enough to put me off Shaw films forever.

I always felt that if INCREDIBLE KUNG FU MISSION had been played totally straight it would've been fantastic. Still enjoy it, but yeah, the comedy is grating.

On 10/18/2017 at 8:31 AM, Drunken Monk said:

I couldn't make it through the last “Kickboxer” film. The one with Dave Bautista as Tong Po.

The characters were lame, the lead had no charisma whatsoever and the fight scenes were dismal. I simply HAD to turn it off.

Almost bought this day one, but my instincts said "no". Then I read this: http://cityonfire.com/kickboxer-vengeance-2016-review/

Though Zach's review wasn't panning it, it sounded terrible to me.

On 10/18/2017 at 10:46 AM, DragonClaws said:

You wont be queing up to see the sequel in January then?.

The movie was not perfect,by a long shot, but I still enjoyed it as undemanding entertainment. To be really shallow, Sara Malakul Lanes character would have been enough to keep me watching.

 

 

Beautiful! Maybe I'll check it out when it makes it to Netflix.

On 10/18/2017 at 3:38 PM, sym8 said:

Invincible super Chan,as soon as he started to fly up the mountain I turned that s..t off.there are probably many others so I will think on it.

I was told this is awesome! I watched 5 minutes of it, but just wasn't in the mood and turned it off. I'll definitely go back to it though.

On 10/18/2017 at 3:56 PM, teako170 said:

I use to keep a list of films I watched and then dumped in the trash, so I wouldn't mistakenly pick them up in a trade at some future point. While many of these were indie produced crap, some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

Your taste is certainly unique bro.

On 10/19/2017 at 10:33 AM, DrNgor said:

I didn't finish Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, because it was getting just too unpleasant to watch.

I get that- it's pretty grim. A harrowing experience to be sure. I dug it though. You might want to watch the climax one of these days though. Pretty damn good.

On 10/19/2017 at 11:47 AM, DragonClaws said:

Have you got round to watching the two Raid movies?, I have very mixed opinion on those films. Reason I bring these up here, is because they're also very brutal, like Universal Soldier: Day Of Reckoning.

Yeah, these are filled with extreme violence. I really wanted to show the fight scenes from these films to my niece and nephew because they study Pencak Silat, but I can't. They're just too nasty and bloody.  Great for me though.

On 10/19/2017 at 12:37 PM, ShaOW!linDude said:

HERETIC!!!!

It was all I could do to watch all of Crippled Masters. I'm all for supporting the disabled, but that movie was making my gag reflex kick in. It had some outstanding fu, but I'll never watch it again.

I hear you man! It's like the film FREAKS (1932) mixed with the kung fu genre, and I admit it's got some disturbing moments. Kind of view it as a great cult classic, myself.

On 10/19/2017 at 1:39 PM, One Armed Boxer said:

If you ever decide to give it another go, I'm sure @KUNG FU BOB would be up for discussing it with you....that guy loved it so much he bought the Limited Edition box set the day it was released.

Man, I love this movie!  You've missed out on our man Chan surfing on a flag (yes you read that right), lodging a stone in some poor saps mouth, then repeatedly smashing his head into the ground face first (almost 30 years before 'American History X'!), and a final fight involving a killer slinky.  It's genius.

As for not being able to finish 'Police Story', I think @KenHashibe may have sensed a disturbance in the force...

Another movie I love!  I prefer Scott Adkins in this than I do him in the 'Undisputed' movies....if you ever decide to put yourself all the way through it, there's an impressive twist at the end.

Smart alack, eh? Why I outta... Yeah, despite TWINS EFFECT being far from classic, I enjoyed it. So when I found out they were making a sequel with Jackie Chan and Donnie Yen squaring off in it, I was excited. Horror genre mixed with HK action and with two giant stars dueling? Oh yeah! The second it came up for pre-order at HKFlix I jumped on it, and figured I may as well get the super-duper deluxe release with the sword replica, etc. Then I saw it.

I forgot all about that ending. Did Jackie invent the "curb stomp"? LOL

@KenHashibe... take a deep breath and count to ten. It's going to be okay.

Wow @One Armed Boxer, I know you aren't big on tournament movies, but... Adkins is terrific in UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING though. Saw this at an exclusive 3D screening at the Philadelphia film festival. The 3D made the gore even chunkier!

On 10/20/2017 at 5:49 AM, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

I know some people think likes of "The Dragon Lives", "Bruce Li in New Guinea" and "Fantasy Mission Force" is fun as sort of cult movie cheese. To me it's unbearable Z grade schlock and never made it through any of them.

I also find the IFD cut n' paste flicks straight garbage in most instances. Though I hold "Ninja Terminator" in high esteem and can always throw it on and enjoy it.

I am a fan of a lot of "cult movie cheese", but not all. For instance THE MIAMI CONNECTION made me laugh from start to finish, but FANTASY MISSION FORCE did not amuse me. I love BASKET CASE, but cannot stand SHARKNADO and it's ilk.

Same here with the IFD movies you mentioned, they don't interest me much (though I dig the VHS box and poster art). I've never seen NINJA TERMINATOR...

On 10/20/2017 at 12:23 PM, One Armed Boxer said:

Likewise, I've also attempted all three of those titles mentioned, and have failed to get to the end of any of them.

As for a more recent production, I'll throw in Rise of the Legend (2014).  There's something about Eddie Peng that I find mildly insufferable, the guy has the looks, but something about his demeanor onscreen just comes across like he's trying too hard.  I was able to suffer through both 'Call of Heroes' and 'Operation Mekong' because he wasn't the main character, but with 'Rise of the Legend', not only was he front and center...but on top of that he's playing Wong Fei Hung!  The rain drenched alley way fight, featured so prominently in the trailers, is drenched more in slow motion than it is drops of water, and they didn't get any better after that.  The charming arrogance of Jackie Chan, the uprightness of Jet Li, the calm demeanor of Kwan Tak-Hing...all of these qualities are missing from Peng's portrayal, who's overly cocksure presence makes for an unwelcome re-imagining of such a legendary figure.  Once I realized it clocked in at a whopping over 2 hours, I decided to clock out at the 20 minute mark.

I agree that Eddie Peng is 100% miscast as Wong Fei-Hung. The movie has it's moments, but overall I think it is a giant mess of bullshit.

On 10/20/2017 at 12:54 PM, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

I'm soooo behind in current HK cinema, but perhaps because I don't really care anymore. A few titles might catch my eye, but I'll never really get to 'em when there's still so much interesting old stuff I have yet to see.

Oh, recently tried to sit through Ip Man 3.... I was embarrassed on their behalf, and threw in the towel after about an hour. Action wasn't bad, but stuff like that Thai elevator fight I just found ridiculous and also I couldn't get past Mike Tyson. A bald, black businessman with a 90's tribal face tattoo in 60's HK.... nope.

Oh, this surprises me. Despite how ludicrous Tyson's character was, I enjoyed the film a lot.

On 10/20/2017 at 4:52 PM, sym8 said:

Hot potato(Jim Kelly)oh dear,Ninja 3 the domination after the classic revenge of the ninja they bring this mess out and S.P.L 2 I almost got to the end but turned it off half way through the finale(to much wire assisted fight choreography for me)

After seeing REVENGE OF THE NINJA- a favorite at the time- I hated NINJA III: THE DOMINATION too. But for some reason I bought the Blu-ray when it was released, and when I re-watched it I thought it was great, ridiculously entertaining schlock.

SPL is one of my favorite modern day HK films, so I was worried the sequel wouldn't live up to it's predecessor. It didn't. But despite some absurd contrivances, a pathetically fake looking CGI wolf, and more wire-work than I wanted to see, I thought it still managed to have some impressive performances and exciting fights.

On 10/20/2017 at 5:03 PM, DrNgor said:

My old website (It's a Beautiful Film Worth Fighting For) was initially based on the HOT POTATO system, in which I'd rate a film based on how many times I'd watch it again before considering another go at HOT POTATO.

I was disappointed with it, although the opening action sequence where it takes more than 10 minutes to down the evil ninja is pretty classic.

Maybe I'm an unrepentant completist, but turning off a film midway through the climax and not being able to say you've seen the entire movie seems like a bit much because of the wires. I mean, if you've already invested 110 minutes, what's another 4 or 5 (so to speak)?

That ratings system is inspired and hilarious.

Yes, NINJA III: THE DOMINATION's opening is classic '80s cheese!

99.9% of the time I feel the same way. Especially because the end of a bad action film is often the only redeeming quality. Seems like if you eat the atrocious appetizer and main course you may as well at least give the desert a taste. Just like in a restaurant these two courses are often prepared by a different chef; so the director may suck, but perhaps the fight director has come up with something special.

On 10/21/2017 at 11:44 AM, ShaOW!linDude said:

Oddly enough, this film sort of struck the right balance between grounded and wire-assisted choreography for me. But I can understand why you found Peng to be kind of off-putting in this. I would suggest you at least view the end fight between and Sammo. It has its moments.

 

Hmmm... yes... moments.

3 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

Oh man, it took me a whole day just to watch the full clip.  On the first attempt, as soon as Sammo recreated his puppet-on-a-string routine from the 'Ip Man' sequel, and jumped down a whole flight of stairs, I instinctively turned it off in disgust.  Why would an action director think that an overweight 62 year old was capable of such a move, when he still wouldn't have been able to do it at half that age!?  Sammo still has so many strengths, and such an imposing screen presence ('Sha Po Lang' showed exactly the way he should portray a villain), so it's embarrassing to watch him in scenes like this.  I would have preferred to see him slowly descend the stairs one at a time, then proceed to knock seven bells out of Eddie Peng, with both feet firmly on the ground.

Out of respect for @ShaOW!linDude, I then went back to watch the rest to see if it improved after that.  The whole fight is like the best bits from the finales of 'Miracles', 'Once Upon a Time in China', & 'Dragon Lord' have been thrown into a blender, mixed with a generous dose of long expired digital sauce, and then someone hit maximum power but forgot to put the lid on.  What a horrendous mess.  However Vincent Zhao decides to play Fei Hung in his upcoming double feature, anything will be an improvement on this.

(You see I also switch off movies early in order to contain my anger management issues)

'Battle Wizard' is pure class!  Where else can you see Danny Lee wrestling with a giant snake, battle a hook handed monster, and clash with a clan of ninjas just for good measure!?

I confess I didn't even get a minute into 'Goose Boxer'.  That soundtrack was making my ears bleed ("Wah Wah Waaah Wah, Wah Wah Waaah Wah"), and then as soon as Charles Heung lifted a gooses ass up to his face just so it could give him a feces facial, that was enough.

Man, you described my thoughts about this scene from RISE OF A LEGEND to a T, and then some. 

Still have yet to watch BATTLE WIZARD. But, uh... your remarks make it sound intriguing.

GOOSE BOXER is filled with plenty of nonsense, but believe it or not, does have a few redeeming qualities too.

The other films I can recall not finishing are:

IRON MONKEY 2 (1996)

SHAOLIN DRUNKARD (1983)

REVENGE OF THE KUNG FU MAO (1977, aka. Revenge of Kung Fu Mao / Big Foot Mamma)

Donnie Yen's FIST OF FURY TV series (1995)- I could not stand the ridiculously sped up fights. Crap technique ruining what looked like it could've been decent action. I tried several times too.

SHAOLIN VS. EVIL DEAD (2004)

1911 (2011) Not a "kung fu movie", but I thought I'd mention it anyway. Bored me nearly to tears. Only watched 15 minutes or so.

 

 

 

[DragonClaws]

6 minutes ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

DEATH DIMENSION (1978, USA, aka. The Black Eliminator / Dead Dimension / Freeze Bomb / Icy Death / The Kill Factor). All those alternate titles... a perfect example of "crap by any other name"! Over a decade later I re-watched DEATH DIMENSION and found it to be entertainingly bad. So when Warner Brothers finally released BLACK BELT JONES widescreen on DVD and it came with HOT POTATO, I thought it might be fun the second time around. No. No it wasn't. What an insipid film.

The nunchaku fight, with Jim Kelly VS the thugs, was pretty cool.

I cant disagree with any of your comments about this one, I only recently sat down to watch it. It's still not even near the worst of the genre I've viewed. Many of the duds I've tried to block out.

9 minutes ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

Love how you put that. That damn movie is haunting you!

As crazy as it sounds, the movie does appear to keep finding its way into my collection.

I have nightmares, of having to watch the movie, like Alex The Droog is forced to sit through the violent an perverse images, in A Clockwork Orange.

 

 

[HyperDrive]

7 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

I confess I didn't even get a minute into 'Goose Boxer'.  That soundtrack was making my ears bleed ("Wah Wah Waaah Wah, Wah Wah Waaah Wah"), and then as soon as Charles Heung lifted a gooses ass up to his face just so it could give him a faeces facial, that was enough.

That opening scene is one of the main reasons why I mentioned Goose Boxer. There's good action but the rest of the movie is a mind trip.

[One Armed Boxer]

2 hours ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

I forgot all about that ending. Did Jackie invent the "curb stomp"? LOL

By 'Jackie' you mean 'Invincible Super Chan' right?  That was the movie I was discussing when talking about the stone in the mouth ground stomping.

2 hours ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

Wow @One Armed Boxer, I know you aren't big on tournament movies, but... Adkins is terrific in UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING though.

He's fantastic in it, but then so is the whole movie.  I'd watch both 'Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning' and 'Ninja 2: Shadow of a Tear' in a heartbeat over any of the 'Undisputed' flicks.  You have no idea how hard I was hoping the fourth installment wasn't going to be another tournament flick.

2 hours ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

I am a fan of a lot of "cult movie cheese", but not all. For instance THE MIAMI CONNECTION made me laugh from start to finish, but FANTASY MISSION FORCE did not amuse me.

Trust me dude, you'll love 'Samurai Cop' (the less said about the sequel the better).  I remember watching (well, attempting to) 'Fantasy Mission Force' several years ago with my friend that I always checked out these type of flicks with.  We'd only seen 'Master of the Flying Guillotine' for the first time the week prior, and it left a lasting impression thanks both to the hilarity of the dub, and the awesomeness of the action scenes (so much so that Jimmy Wang Yu's One Armed Boxer became my moniker on here).  So to find a movie that featured another performance by Wang Yu, plus Jackie Chan, and the apparent same level of craziness as MOTFG was simply too good to resist.  We got up to the scene dedicated to a drunken sing-a-long in a pub, and could endure no more.  Thankfully 'Knight Errant' more than made up for it.

2 hours ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

Seems like if you eat the atrocious appetizer and main course you may as well at least give the desert a taste. Just like in a restaurant these two courses are often prepared by a different chef; so the director may suck, but perhaps the fight director has come up with something special.

That's a great approach to have when it comes to kung-fu movies.  Like you though, I'm not a fast forwarder....I either need to sit through the whole thing, or turn it off early.  But with this comparison in mind, I'll certainly be considering the benefit of sticking around for dessert for any future dining experiences.  Which brings me to...

2 hours ago, KUNG FU BOB said:

GOOSE BOXER is filled with plenty of nonsense, but believe it or not, does have a few redeeming qualities too.

1 hour ago, HyperDrive said:

That opening scene is one of the main reasons why I mentioned Goose Boxer. There's good action but the rest of the movie is a mind trip.

So it seems that along with 'The Ring of Death', I should also consider giving 'Goose Boxer' another spin.

Ok, so the more this thread has made me think about it, the more movies that I'd thought had been forever erased from memory come to mind.  I'll throw Saga of the Phoenix (1990) into the ring, another one that had me waving the white flag before the 20 minute mark.  A sequel to 'The Peacock King' from the year prior, some fans have a tendency to lump these 2 movies together, based purely on the fact that they don't feature star Yuen Biao doing excessive amounts of fighting, which isn't fair.  While it's true that both productions were aimed at Biao's Japanese fan-base, they're two very different beasts. 

The first can best be described as giving Biao a similar role to what he has in 'Zu: Warriors from Magic Mountain', only instead of being in the middle of a wild special effects filled Chinese fantasy, he's in the middle of a wild Japanese influenced kaiju flick.  Helmed by Lam Nai-Choi, the guy behind such madness as 'The Seventh Curse' and 'The Story of Ricky', 'The Peacock King' also gave one Miike Takashi an early break in the form of being an assistant director in the Japan segments.  The guy who directed 'The Story of Ricky' combined with Miike Takashi, what could go wrong?  Not much really does, you get a whole host of pretty grotesque monsters from hell to battle against, and even a Yuen Biao vs Gordon Liu fight, which is iconic simply for having two such legendary stars squaring off against each other.

The sequel on the other hand is an insipid disaster.  For a start Biao spends over half of the movie frozen in a Hans Solo style cast, clearly indicating he was most likely off filming a far more entertaining movie (perhaps 'Licence to Steal' or 'Shanghai Shanghai'), leaving an early appearance from Japanese star Abe Hiroshi (Jija Yanin's father in 'Chocolate') to carry the movie along, which he does woefully with the help of a cute animatronic nightmare that looks like a Gremlins reject.  Considering the zaniness of the first installment, quite how 'Saga of the Phoenix' managed to be so terminally boring is beyond me, it's the kind of movie that moves along at such a slow pace you literally want to pick up your TV and throw it out of the window every couple of minutes (each increment of which feels like an hour).  I know I haven't sat through the whole thing, but I feel confident in saying that it's a low point of both Biao and Nai-Choi's filmography.

[ShaOW!linDude]

7 hours ago, One Armed Boxer said:

I like your style, because why have 105 minutes of mediocrity, when you can have 420?

This is absolutely owning me!!! I can't see straight. This should be your tag line.

Regarding Saga of the Phoenix and The Peacock King, I've only watched those once. I remember nothing about them except that they sucked harder than a bloodworm coming off a hunger strike. I'll never watch them again, and yet because they star Yuen Biao, I can't bear to part with them.