Fu Flicks You Couldn't Make it the End Of....Member Confessions

[One Armed Boxer]

Let's face it, we all have those kung-fu movies that we decide to check out hoping for a dose of martial arts greatness, only to end up with a lackluster production featuring sub-par choreography, grating comedy, and nonsensical editing.  In most cases though, we still get to the end of them, being that as fans of old-school kung-fu, a high tolerance for all of the listed failings comes as a prerequisite. 

However, despite this, there are still those movies out there that for some of us, it just becomes a bridge too far to get to the end of them.  This will be the thread where I encourage you to name them, in the hopes that perhaps other members can share your woes, or even better, perhaps even convince you to get to the end of them.

I'll kick things off with 3 flicks I've yet to pass the 20 minute mark on - 

The Ring of Death (1980) - I've attempted to watch this one twice, spurred on by the promise of a Cliff Lok vs Hwang Jang Lee finale.  Heck, even Kwan Yung-Moon is in the cast!  Despite this, Lok's man-child character has become so gratingly unbearable on both occasions that I've tried to give it a watch, that I'm unable to get past the 15 minute mark.  Each time I got to Lok attempting to pass a monk (played by Lee Hoi San), sat in the middle of a path blocking peoples way, and his subsequent comedic shenanigans to make him move out of the way, it became a case of either pressing stop and walking away, or throwing the TV out of the window.

Magnificent Natural Fist (1983) - To say that Elton Chong is an acquired taste is probably the understatement of the century, but I have endured him on more than one occasion, and would even be willing to give 'Invincible Obsessed Fighter' a tentative recommendation.  But something about 'Magnificent Natural Fist' just rubbed me up the wrong way.  Perhaps I just wasn't in the mood for the ear bleeding comedy and hyperactive levels of slapstick that were on display from pretty much the moment the movie starts, but in the time that's passed since that initial attempt to watch it, I haven't been able to bring myself to give it a second chance.

Ninja Condors (1988) - Alexander Lo Rei in Taiwanese ninja action should, for all intents and purposes, be a winning combination.  However despite it being another of his frequent pairings with 'The Black Monk from Harlem' - Eugene Thomas - the opening 10 minutes of this movie were so incomprehensible and painful to endure, that I found myself unwilling to sit through any more of it.  Unless someone tells me that the infamous ninja water spiders make an appearance later on, I'm not sure I could be convinced to give this one another chance.

[ShaOW!linDude]

Interesting topic. I'll have to mull this one over. Typically, if I find an MA movie to become too annoying to tolerate any longer, I'll ff to all the training sequences/fights just to see if the action is worth a flip. I've held onto films solely for that purpose. The fights were fairly good, but I'll never watch them for story, acting, or comedic value.

[DrNgor]

I couldn't finish a second viewing of Twins Effect 2/Huadu Chronicles.

Beyond that, I don't think I've ever quit during a first-time viewing, not even Hot Potato. *shudders*

[Shaolivevil]

These are two I recall unsuccessfully finishing because I felt they were too awful:

Snake Fist Dynamo - This movie is always seems to end up on all of those Kung Fu movie DVD collections, particularly those from Mill Creek. I barely watched 5 minutes of this before I shut it off. It was that awful...

Half A Loaf Of Kung Fu - I had a hard time sitting through many of Jackie Chan's early films but this one, I just couldn't do it...

 

[LuFengLover]

On 10/17/2017 at 5:12 PM, One Armed Boxer said:

Let's face it, we all have those kung-fu movies that we decide to check out hoping for a dose of martial arts greatness, only to end up with a lackluster production featuring sub-par choreography, grating comedy, and nonsensical editing.  In most cases though, we still get to the end of them, being that as fans of old-school kung-fu, a high tolerance for all of the listed failings comes as a prerequisite. 

However, despite this, there are still those movies out there that for some of us, it just becomes a bridge too far to get to the end of them.  This will be the thread where I encourage you to name them, in the hopes that perhaps other members can share your woes, or even better, perhaps even convince you to get to the end of them.

I'll kick things off with 3 flicks I've yet to pass the 20 minute mark on - 

The Ring of Death (1980) - I've attempted to watch this one twice, spurred on by the promise of a Cliff Lok vs Hwang Jang Lee finale.  Heck, even Kwan Yung-Moon is in the cast!  Despite this, Lok's man-child character has become so gratingly unbearable on both occasions that I've tried to give it a watch, that I'm unable to get past the 15 minute mark.  Each time I got to Lok attempting to pass a monk (played by Lee Hoi San), sat in the middle of a path blocking peoples way, and his subsequent comedic shenanigans to make him move out of the way, it became a case of either pressing stop and walking away, or throwing the TV out of the window.

Magnificent Natural Fist (1983) - To say that Elton Chong is an acquired taste is probably the understatement of the century, but I have endured him on more than one occasion, and would even be willing to give 'Invincible Obsessed Fighter' a tentative recommendation.  But something about 'Magnificent Natural Fist' just rubbed me up the wrong way.  Perhaps I just wasn't in the mood for the ear bleeding comedy and hyperactive levels of slapstick that were on display from pretty much the moment the movie starts, but in the time that's passed since that initial attempt to watch it, I haven't been able to bring myself to give it a second chance.

Ninja Condors (1988) - Alexander Lo Rei in Taiwanese ninja action should, for all intents and purposes, be a winning combination.  However despite it being another of his frequent pairings with 'The Black Monk from Harlem' - Eugene Thomas - the opening 10 minutes of this movie were so incomprehensible and painful to endure, that I found myself unwilling to sit through any more of it.  Unless someone tells me that the infamous ninja water spiders make an appearance later on, I'm not sure I could be convinced to give this one another chance.

Yes, we all have those films we just can't finish or in my case become background noise as I do other menial tasks.  I have not attempted to watch The Ring of Death or Magnificent Natural Fist and after this post, I probably never will.  Unfortunately, I did attempt to watch Ninja Condors as my favorite actor Lu Feng makes an appearance.  He was killed in the first 5 minutes so needless to say, I shouldn't have watched much more of it.  I wanted to see if there would be flashbacks so that Lu Feng could get more screen time.  My mistake as the next 10 minutes bored me to tears and I ended up falling asleep. I tried on a second occasion to watch but with the same results.  I won't be making a third attempt. Alexander Lo Rei is not my cup of tea and if it hadn't been for Lu Feng kicking ass and playing the flute in a gold lame' suit, I doubt if I would have made it through Ninja Kids (1982). 

[DragonClaws]

On 10/17/2017 at 5:12 PM, One Armed Boxer said:

The Ring of Death (1980) - I've attempted to watch this one twice, spurred on by the promise of a Cliff Lok vs Hwang Jang Lee finale.  Heck, even Kwan Yung-Moon is in the cast!  Despite this, Lok's man-child character has become so gratingly unbearable on both occasions that I've tried to give it a watch, that I'm unable to get past the 15 minute mark.  Each time I got to Lok attempting to pass a monk (played by Lee Hoi San), sat in the middle of a path blocking peoples way, and his subsequent comedic shenanigans to make him move out of the way, it became a case of either pressing stop and walking away, or throwing the TV out of the window.

Managed to sit this one no problem, and I've never actually switched off that many Kung Fu movies because they were that bad. Guess I could be a visual audio masochist, when I think of some of the films I've sat through. That said, I came very close to turning off Mantis Under Falcon Claws, I movie that I seem to keep acquiring via budget Kung Fu movie boxsets. I gave away my Vengeance Video single disc release, only for the film to keep finding me again. Like @Shaolivevil I didn't get far into Snake Fist Dynamo before turning it off, don't recall much in the way of action, just a lot of bad comedy.

[TibetanWhiteCrane]

I seem to remember fast forwarding A LOT through the tortuous chore that is Coward Bastard. I DID finish though, as the action is pretty good, but fuck is the comedy grating.

Same thing for Incrdible Kung Fu Mission.... good action, cool training scenes, badass villain, but the comedy and the English dub makes it hard to get through without use of the FFW button.

Remember bailing on Guy with Super Kung Fu, Funny Kung Fu, a few of those Taiwanese Kung Fu Kids movies and most Elton Chong joints.

[Drunken Monk]

I coukdn’t make it through the last “Kickboxer” film. The one with Dave Bautista as Tong Po.

The characters were lame, the lead had no charisma whatsoever and the fight scenes were dismal. I simply HAD to turn it off.

[DragonClaws]

2 hours ago, Drunken Monk said:

The characters were lame, the lead had no charisma whatsoever and the fight scenes were dismal. I simply HAD to turn it off.

You wont be queing up to see the seuqel in January then?.

The movie was not perfect,by a long shot, but I still enjoyed it as undemanding entertainment. To be really shallow, Sara Malakul Lanes character would have been enough to keep me watching.

 

 

[Omni Dragon]

I think there's good movies I might be guilty of doing this. If I watch a movie and I'm tired or decide I'm not in the mood at that time. I think I can always come back to it later when I should appreciate it more.

"But still" Golden Destroyers is a movie which I try to watch at least a couple of times but gave up due to lack of enjoyment.

[sym8]

Invincible super Chan,as soon as he started to fly up the mountain I turned that s..t off.there are probably many others so I will think on it.

[teako170]

I use to keep a list of films I watched and then dumped in the trash, so I wouldn't mistakenly pick them up in a trade at some future point. While many of these were indie produced crap, some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

[sym8]

14 minutes ago, teako170 said:

I use to keep a list of films I watched and then dumped in the trash, so I wouldn't mistakenly pick them up in a trade at some future point. While many of these were indie produced crap, some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

Man there are some classics there,how come you couldn't finish them especially Police story 1

[teako170]

2 hours ago, sym8 said:

Man there are some classics there,how come you couldn't finish them especially Police story 1

Lol. I know some (all) of those are hard to consider unfinishable by many. There are several other SB I had to hang up. One was incredibly bad and I think I may have posted it here a while back. But, I do have 800+ MA films, so it's not surprising that I don't like them all. 

[NoKUNGFUforYU]

Just about any of those 80's Ninja Movies with Richard Harrison. Poor guy got ripped off big time. Wong Yue movies. People say Fu Sheng was annoying! The guy was a fucking superstar whereas Wong Yue was on the downside for Shaw brothers as Jackie Chan ate up everyone's lunch. He Has Nothing But Kung Fu, for example. Started watching some of it, but I feel asleep. Most anything with Meng Fei. When I went to Chinatown to see movies he was always at the grade D theaters.  Just never got his deal now. He was really not that big at the time. Also, of course, the Venoms were not that popular, the opera style choreography was just silly to most people, but they have a huge following on video. I can hardly get through any of there stuff except something like Crippled Avengers or Super Ninjas.

[ShaOW!linDude]

14 hours ago, teako170 said:

,,,some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

Blasphemer! Burn him! Burn him!!!

[DrNgor]

I didn't finish Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, because it was getting just too unpleasant to watch.

[DragonClaws]

1 hour ago, DrNgor said:

I didn't finish Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, because it was getting just too unpleasant to watch.

Have you got round to watching the two Raid movies?, I have very mixed opinion on those films. Reason I bring these up here, isbecuase there also very brutal, like Universal Soldier: Day Of Reckoning.

[ShaOW!linDude]

2 hours ago, DrNgor said:

I didn't finish Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, because it was getting just too unpleasant to watch.

HERETIC!!!!

It was all I could do to watch all of Crippled Masters. I'm all for supporting the disabled, but that movie was making my gag reflex kick in. It had some outstanding fu, but I'll never watch it again.

[One Armed Boxer]

On 10/18/2017 at 10:10 AM, DrNgor said:

I couldn't finish a second viewing of Twins Effect 2/Huadu Chronicles.

If you ever decide to give it another go, I'm sure @KUNG FU BOB would be up for discussing it with you....that guy loved it so much he bought the Limited Edition box set the day it was released.

On 10/18/2017 at 9:35 PM, DragonClaws said:

Managed to sit this one no problem

Give me something to cling on to here @DragonClaws....is there a significant improvement after Lee Hoi San's sitting monk shenanigans?

22 hours ago, sym8 said:

Invincible super Chan,as soon as he started to fly up the mountain I turned that s..t off.there are probably many others so I will think on it.

Man, I love this movie!  You've missed out on our man Chan surfing on a flag (yes you read that right), lodging a stone in some poor saps mouth, then repeatedly smashing his head into the ground face first (almost 30 years before 'American History X'!), and a final fight involving a killer slinky.  It's genius.

21 hours ago, teako170 said:

some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

You're talking about the Tsui Hark directed, Dean Shek starring 'The Raid' right, & not the Iko Uwais starring Indonesian action fest!?

As for not being able to finish 'Police Story', I think @KenHashibe may have sensed a disturbance in the force...

3 hours ago, DrNgor said:

I didn't finish Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, because it was getting just too unpleasant to watch.

Another movie I love!  I prefer Scott Adkins in this than I do him in the 'Undisputed' movies....if you ever decide to put yourself all the way through it, there's an impressive twist at the end.

[teako170]

3 minutes ago, One Armed Boxer said:

You're talking about the Tsui Hark directed, Dean Shek starring 'The Raid' right, & not the Iko Uwais starring Indonesian action fest!?

Umm, nope. It's the Indonesian one. Sorry (lol). 

[DragonClaws]

1 hour ago, One Armed Boxer said:

Give me something to cling on to here @DragonClaws....is there a significant improvement after Lee Hoi San's sitting monk shenanigans?

Sure it's not stone-cold classic, but the action does get better as the movie progresses. Hwang Jang Lee has a strong duel with the talented Cliff Lok, who also pretty good in the movie. Corey Yuen Kwai contributes to some of the action too. Dean Shek plays his most un-popular character, the raving mad loony who has a rubber faced expressions, and an annoying dubbed character voice.

[Omni Dragon]

On 10/18/2017 at 8:56 PM, teako170 said:

I use to keep a list of films I watched and then dumped in the trash, so I wouldn't mistakenly pick them up in a trade at some future point. While many of these were indie produced crap, some of the "bigger films" I couldn't finish include The Raid, Police Story (1,2,3), and Bamboo House of Dolls. 

It's certainly a surprise to see Police Story mentioned. Can you remember what you didn't like about it? And how far into it you got?

[TibetanWhiteCrane]

I know some people think likes of "The Dragon Lives", "Bruce Li in New Guinea" and "Fantasy Mission Force" is fun as sort of cult movie cheese. To me it's unbearable Z grade schlock and never made it through any of them.

I also find the IFD cut n' paste flicks straight garbage in most instances. Though I hold "Ninja Terminator" in high esteem and can always throw it on and enjoy it.

To follow Teako's example, I tried to think of some "controversial" choices... but I don't think I really have any.

[One Armed Boxer]

6 hours ago, TibetanWhiteCrane said:

I know some people think likes of "The Dragon Lives", "Bruce Li in New Guinea" and "Fantasy Mission Force" is fun as sort of cult movie cheese. To me it's unbearable Z grade schlock and never made it through any of them.

Likewise, I've also attempted all three of those titles mentioned, and have failed to get to the end of any of them.

As for a more recent production, I'll throw in Rise of the Legend (2014).  There's something about Eddie Peng that I find mildly insufferable, the guy has the looks, but something about his demeanor onscreen just comes across like he's trying too hard.  I was able to suffer through both 'Call of Heroes' and 'Operation Mekong' because he wasn't the main character, but with 'Rise of the Legend', not only was he front and center...but on top of that he's playing Wong Fei Hung!  The rain drenched alley way fight, featured so prominently in the trailers, is drenched more in slow motion than it is drops of water, and they didn't get any better after that.  The charming arrogance of Jackie Chan, the uprightness of Jet Li, the calm demeanor of Kwan Tak-Hing...all of these qualities are missing from Peng's portrayal, who's overly cocksure presence makes for an unwelcome re-imagining of such a legendary figure.  Once I realized it clocked in at a whopping over 2 hours, I decided to clock out at the 20 minute mark.